The Jackenhack Awards 2009 are just over a week away, and over the past couple of days the nominations have been coming thick and fast. So far, we’ve seen shortlists for:
- The Year’s Biggest Losers of Clients/Talent
- Biggest Fuck-Up Of The Year
- Digital Refusnik Of The Year
- Twitter Twat Of The Year
All the nominations are quite funny, and the ‘one to watch’ in my opinion is the Twitter Twat category.
That said, what most caught my eye was the Digital Refusnik Of The Year category. This one is designed to award those who are ‘making the best bid to stay retro’ and ‘refusing to acknowledge carnage in their business and the wider industry’ as a result of things moving digital.
The Daily Mail and the Mail on Sunday are among the nominees, and The Jackenhack’s summary for them borders on sublime. Here it is verbatim:
“Anyway, we thought we’d nominate the Mail for suggesting that use of Facebook and Twitter will…
- increase your chances of getting cancer
- make you eat too much
- deprive you of the ability to feel compassion
- fill you with jealousy
- incite you to stalk your partner
- make you immoral (if you weren’t already)
- cause you to dishonour the memory of Winston Churchill
- result in your becoming addicted to friendships (but only if you are a woman)
- make you like Charles Manson
- result in your children being exposed to pornography
- result in your children being exposed to prostitution
- result in your children being exposed to drugs
- damage your child’s brain
- turn your children into criminals
- increase the risk of being branded as a prostitute and having your life ruined
- cause you to fail to relax on holiday
- make you run amok, destroying an award-winning garden in Leeds
- cause your partner to go into a coma after crashing a motorbike (but only if you are Lauren Booth, and only if you change your status from “married” to “single” after a domestic)
- increase the chances of your husband hacking you to death with a meat cleaver (but only if you change your status from “married” to “single”)
- put you at risk of online crime
- make you sufficiently vain to retouch digital photographs of yourself
- prompt you to befriend imprisoned criminals
- waste British businesses £132m every day
- make you laugh about serious car crashes
- turn you into “a foolish Facebook mum” (but only if you are Suzanne Moore)
- cause you to lie about serving with the SAS
- turn you into a ‘hypocrite’ (like Jim Knight, the former schools minister who “lectures parents on computer-obsessed children – but has 900 online friends”)
- turn us all into a nation of introverts”
Every now and then (ok, daily) The Daily Fail gets taken to task for it’s over the top headlines or hysteria-inducing editorial. Chris Applegate’s Daily Mail-o-matic app and Daily Mail Oncological Ontology Project are probably among the nicest examples of this on the web. But I had no idea how utterly insane it was with respect to Twitter/ Facebook until seeing that list.
But anyway, my tickets are bought and hopefully I’ll see you there next week?
Now, back to online crime, drugs, prostitution and pornography…
The Jackenhack Awards 2009
- Blog: http://thejackenhacks.wordpress.com
- Twitter: @thejackenhacks
- Where: The Dust Bar
- When: Wednesday 14th October 2009-10-07
- Tickets: £37.50 from here: http://jackenhacks.eventbrite.com/
[Photo credits: B3ta, Jackenhacks]
